Eggs Why

The wife, if you haven't heard already is pregnant. Just passed the first trimester, in fact. We were together at the ultrasound doing a genetic mutation test when the doctor asked us if we wanted her to take a stab at the baby's sex.

We'd decided as soon as we found out about the pregnancy that we would find out the sex of the baby pre-delivery. We'd rather be prepared then surprised. Besides, all that really matters is that the baby has ten fingers and ten toes, right?

Every time I bring up pregnancy to anyone, that statement comes up. "Ten fingers and Ten toes!" Honestly, who cares. If I found out the baby was only going to have 9 toes, I'm pretty sure I could handle it. I'm much more worried about the important stuff. You know, kidneys, heart, lungs. Missing a lower intestine is probably a bigger deal then missing a digit.

Luckily for us, all the important stuff is there. Heart is beating away, spine is coming in nicely. When the doctor first put the ultrasound on the wife's tummy, we saw the baby dancing away, turning, flailing about. Very cool stuff. However, when it came time to measure the all important neck flap, (apparently, you measure the neck flap for pre-natal diseases, who knew?) the baby decided to lie perfectly flat on it's back. All the poking and prodding wasn't encouraging the baby to turn on its side so we could view the neck flap. It was being stubborn. I started to get a funny feeling.

You have to understand, in the Howland family, all the men turn into self destructive idiots from about age 15 till 22. It's in our genes. I went nuts from 15 till 22, my father did, as did his. John Howland, one of the original pilgrims, was saved after he went overboard on the Mayflower on the voyage over. He was 20 at the time. John Howland was the only person that went overboard on the voyage. Coincidence, I think not. Just the male Howland gene doin' its thang.

So when I found out we were having a baby, I was leaning towards girl. Not because I wanted or preferred a girl. I just know what male Howlands are like. I figured a girl at least has a shot of coming out normal and well adjusted. My sister is a wonderful person!

To a person, I was vigorously disagreed with. Everyone thinks we're having a boy. My father especially was rooting for a boy. He called it payback.

Back in the Ultrasound room, the baby, after much pleading and prodding turned on its side. (I may have yelled at Jen's uterus at one point, I figured the baby might as well get used to it.) Luckily, the neck flap was fine and all signs point to a very healthy, happy baby.

A healthy baby Boy, that is. My father wins again. Jen and I are doomed. I wish my unborn child well. He has about 15 years and 6 months till it all goes to hell.

I'm blaming Jenny. Yeah, I know its the individual sperm that determines sex. I figured Jen's egg would have been smart enough to move out of the way when a male was coming down the chute.

Proper Manners Go A Long Way

I was at my friend's apartment the other evening for a lovely night of watching the Mets-Yankees contest and some fine cuisine. He currently resides with his lovely girlfriend whose company I enjoy as much as his. Which is a substantial amount. I like them both a lot is the point I'm trying to make. Now that I have made that point, I'm going to voice a complaint about them.

You see, they've been together for sometime now and yet, every time I'm around them, they feel the need to kiss and grope, oh, about every 25 seconds. And I'm not going to lie to you fine people, I don't feel all that comfortable around it. So this time I did what any rational person would do. I threatened to drop my pants an inch every time they smooched. They clearly thought I was bluffing but stopped kissing after my pants lowered about 4 inches and there was a possible "pube patch" sighting.

That being said, I really have no problem with kissing. I'm not a huge fan of PDAs but it is a free country and to each his own. Not only that, but they were making out in their own place of residence which would really qualify as a private display of affection but still a PDA by rationale of initials. After leaving them for the evening and thinking it over, I finally realized what bothered me so much about what had transpired.

I've always been a hospitable person. If you're a guest in my house, and I'm in the mood for a cold beverage, you can be sure you also will be offered a cold beverage. I'm such a good host that I would usually offer you any beverage of your choosing. If I knew in advance that you were coming, I would even go so far as to purchase what I thought was your favorite beverage in advance, just to be as hospitable as possible.

I guess what I'm saying is if you're a guest in my house, then my house is your house. I would expect the same from my friends. So if you know I'm coming over and you're going to be kissing all night, at least have someone there I can kiss all night. Or offer me the opportunity to make out with you or whomever you are making out with. I'm not even saying I would make out with either of you or the person(s) you had selected in advance for me. I'm just saying the offer would be nice.

Remember people, share the love.

P.S. - The man in question is Michael Burke. His girlfriend is Colleen whose last name I don't know but I assume will be Burke soon if Michael ever stops being such a total pussy and makes an honest woman out of her. I would totally make out with both of them.