Hey all,
I've decided to start a new blog for my son.
theleehowlandspinoff.blogspot.com
Basically, if you're looking for updates on parenting and how the baby is doing, go there. It's a much nicer, cuter website with a lot of pictures and all that.
If you want to read what a bastard Lee's dad is, stay here.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Hi There
Sorry the diary didn't work so well. The hospital lied when they said they had internet access which is making this very tough. I wrote a lot and will update when I get the chance but for now:
I'd like to present Lee Simpliciano Howland. He was born at 9:21 PM. He's 6 lbs 11 oz and was 18 inches long. I had a spiel all set up about he was a spawn and evil and all that, but the little booger is just too cute.
I'd like to present Lee Simpliciano Howland. He was born at 9:21 PM. He's 6 lbs 11 oz and was 18 inches long. I had a spiel all set up about he was a spawn and evil and all that, but the little booger is just too cute.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Life
As most of you know, and now all of you know since you're reading this, The Wife is quite pregnant. In fact, she is so pregnant.....
(Did anyone think of saying "how pregnant is she?" If so, well done!)
She is so pregnant that tonight at 7:30PM we will be going into the hospital to start an induction. Not much of a punchline, but true nonetheless. Anyways, to keep everyone as updated as possible, I will be keeping a running diary on here. I'll just keep updating the same entry as time passes and interesting things happen. You can expect the first addendum sometime tonight after we check in. Wish us luck as BABY HOWLAND 2007 sweeps the land!
7:30 PM - We arrive at the hospital armed with just about everything Jenny could need to be comfortable. Socks, games, iPods, all the creature comforts are now in this sterile environment. Jenny's doing well. She's nervous and has had a few moments of emotion but is handling it in stride. I, on the other hand, am a wreck. I've thought of nothing else for the last few days but baby and given myself an upset stomach. I'll be doing most of this blogging from the toilet.
7:50 PM - Guess what doesn't work well. The internet, at the hospital of course! Instead of one update every so often, it's going to be a mass of updates every few hours. Sorry about that.
8:10 PM - The nurse comes in and starts going to work on Jenny, giving her IV's and monitors that show the baby's vitals and hers. All is going well until it's time for the cervix check. This is the part of the story where I get to watch the nurse shove her hand up my wife's crotch. Ugh. I'm not really sure if I should file for divorce or tip them both $20.
8:30 PM - All the consent forms are signed, all the tubes and wires are going where they are supposed to. Time for Jenny and I to get some sleep! I'm aided by a couch that has a fold down cushion that was built for someone approximately half my size and half my weight. Jenny is aided by a blood pressure collar on her arm that goes BZZZZZZZZZ every 30 seconds or so. It's going to be a long night.
9:00 PM - It might be a little bit shorter. Apparently, the good doctor saw that we might be a tad uncomfy and took the liberty of writing Jenny a prescription for a mild sleeping pill. Luckily for me, the dosage was a two piller. I'm not saying the wife gave me a prescription sleeping pill. That's against the law. I will say however, that maybe I'll be able to sleep after all.
11 PM - So Tired. The beds couldn’t be more uncomfortable. The drugs I didn’t get are not helping at all. Jenny is actually sleeping ok, right up until that blood pressure collar activates every 30 seconds, waking her up.
1 AM – Fed up with sleeping like crap, I decide to drive home and get a bunch of comfy pillows. At home, I am greeted by two dogs who are in a bit of a panic. They saw us pack up and usually when we pack up we take them over to our friends house. But they were left at home this time. So when they saw me, they flipped out and wouldn’t leave my side. Because of this, I stayed an extra 20 minutes, lavishing the pups with attention. It might be the last time they get that for a while.
2 AM – Armed with a bunch of comfy pillows and a heap of exhaustion, Jenny and I both get some much needed sleep.
8 AM – The nurse arrives to awaken us with a nice fist in Jenny’s crotch. Jenny informs me that this nurse is nowhere near the gentle lover the last nurse was. Eww. More bad news, the drug that was supposed to soften Jenny’s cervix has done nothing of the sort. No progress. We’ve been in this hospital for over 13 hours now and basically we haven’t even left the starting gate. Jenny’s quite bummed but I just explain to her that if I was baby, I wouldn’t want to leave such a great home either. After all, the food is good, it’s nice and warm and the big hairy guy I hear outside scares me. We were supposed to start the contraction drugs at 9 but now it’s uncertain.
9 AM – Jen’s OBGYN is Dr. Miller and she is awesome. She’s funny, very intelligent, and straight forward, which we both love. Our love grew for her even more today when after 2 nurses told us that because the first drug didn’t work Jen would have to start over, Dr. Miller came in and said start the second drug and if that drug didn’t break Jen’s water, she would break Jen’s water herself. AWESOME! We’re back on track.
12PM - Nothing is happening. Bored Bored Bored. We're watching crap on TV we would never otherwise. I'm going to go home and shower up. Who thought labor could be so mind numbingly dull.
1PM - The nurses are starting to get concerned. They keep shoving their fists in my wife's crotch hoping for progress but none comes. Dr. Miller comes in and says it's time to get this party jumping, shoves her hand WAY up the wife's crotch and breaks her water the old fashion way. Jen seems both relieved and repulsed at the ooze leaking out of her. For some reason, I'm ok with it.
3PM - The contractions are escalating! I'm very excited because I, having read all the latest books on childbirth, know this is a step in the right direction. The wife....not so much. In fact, the wife, who is known for her smile, has stopped smiling altogether. She's now pretty much frowning more and more as the minutes tick by. "Any chance you can find out about that epidural?" I rush into the hall and the nurse says she'll call the anesthesiologist.
(On a side note, I spelled anesthesiologist on the first try. No spellcheck needed. That kid is going to have an awesome dad.)
4 PM - In walks the drug man. (Just cause I CAN spell doesn't mean I want to over and over). He tells Jenny to hunch over and gets one mother of a needle ready. The nurse grabs Jenny by the shoulders and pulls her forward. He misses where he should hit and hits her in the spine. Pulls out the needle and tries again. Misses again. Pulls it out again, tries again, and misses again. He tries to twist it in, nope. Now the wife is sobbing with pain. I'm on the couch watching this, trying my hardest not to walk over and kill this man who has now stabbed my wife in the back three times. He pulls it out once more and tells the nurse to really lean my crying wife over more. The discs are not separating. He shoves the needle in again. NOPE! He missed again. I'm about to start begging him to stop torturing my pregnant wife when on the 5th try, he finally got it in. The relief was pretty quick but I think if my wife had the choice of natural childbirth or 5 needles in the back again, her epidural would never have happened. Anyways, the nurse says this should speed things along. For the first time all night, I feel terrible for what the wife is and is going to go through.
6PM - The epidural, which should speed things along, has not. The wife is stopped dilating and the baby isn't dropping into place. The nurses seem concerned but the wife, full of painkilling happy juice is ok with letting it go a bit longer. She's come this far and really doesn't want a c-section. I haven't slept in a long time and am getting pretty damn tired. I'm starting to root for the slice and dice
8PM - Nothing Nothing Nothing. Seriously, why be in labor if nothing progresses. Give me something, an inch, a drop, something. The wife's labor has totally stagnated. The nurses decide to call the doctor and see what she's recommends. The wife is pleading her case for more time, all she needs is a few more days and she's guaranteed to give birth naturally. The nurses leave to call the doctor.
8:50 PM - We haven't heard from anyone in almost an hour. I decide to check out for the night and go to bed on the crazy uncomfortable couch. I'm exhausted so I settle in for a good night's sleep.
9 PM - I'm awakened to find Dr. Miller in our room explaining to Jenny that it's time for a c-section. It's been too long, no more options. Jenny reluctantly agrees and asks what surgeon will do it. Dr. Miller informs us that she herself will be doing the surgery. Jenny, who completely trusts her doctor, is immediately on board with the c-section! And away we go! The same nurses who have been shoving their hands in my wife's crotch become obsessed with shaving it, actually shaving it as she's being loaded back into bed. Another doctor comes in a gives Jenny a shot which immediately makes her shiver. They give me some large size scrubs and tell me to put them on. Then they give me some new 3XL scrubs that actually fit and tell me to put them on. And we're off to the OR.
9:10 PM - I'm instructed to wait outside the room while they set up. After what seemed like 2 hours but was probably 3 minutes, they allow me in. Dr. Miller is prepping Jen's tummy and I am escorted to her head area where they have draped a large curtain so we can not see the proceedings. This is a good idea as I have no desire to see my wife get cut open. Stuck five times with a gigantic needle, sure, just not cut. The wife is awake but groggy so I tell her how good she's doing and stroke her hair. A few seconds later at....
9:21 PM - I'm a daddy. I hear the baby crying and tell Jenny she's a mommy. I see the baby whisked over to a baby warmer so the nurses can start to clean him up. This was simultaneously one of the most joyous and agonizing moments of my life. On one hand is my wife, the love of life, helpless and crying. On the other is my child, the new love of my life, a few feet away helpless and crying. I couldn't be with both and I had no idea who I should be with. The wife, sensing my painful confusion, told me to go be with my son. So I left my wife to attend to my new son. As I type this, it still makes me feel awful that I left her, but she was right, I had to. There he was, covered in blood and assorted goo. They asked me if I wanted to cut the cord. I know they ask the dads if they want to cut the cord so they feel like they're a part of it. Let's be honest, daddies don't do squat. If labor was an NFL game, mommies would be the quarterbacks and daddies would be the cheerleaders. I was actually going to decline cutting the cord, but the scissors were in my hand before I knew it and next thing I know, I'm cutting his cord. The nurse asked if we he had a name for him. If you read this blog, you know what we were leaning to. I asked Jenny, if was okay to name him. Jenny asked if he looked like the name we choose and I told her yes, so she said to go ahead and name him. We named him Lee Simpliciano Howland. And he's so beautiful.
9:30 PM - The nurses instruct me to come with them into the nursery so Lee can be processed. I kiss the wife goodbye and tell her I'll see her really soon. Lee and I head into the nursery and start the processing. Weight: 6 lbs 11oz. Length: 18in He gets a few shots and some goop in his eyes. I take a quick cell phone picture and send it out to the family. I call the folks and inform them of their upgrade to grandparents which makes them quite ecstatic. I've heard that the birth of your first child will instantly become the greatest day in your life. I wish I could say that's the case. Don't get me wrong. It's a pretty great day. But I've always been under the impression that the best day in your life doesn't include getting peed on. And Lee made sure that was the case about 10 minutes into his new life. Looked right at me and peed on me. I'm fine with it. I'm not even saying it wasn't cute in a weird way. But it makes it impossible for his birth to be the best day of my life. Oh well.
10:30 PM - Lee and I head back to the wife as she has had the full hour to recover. She's still a little loopy but as soon as she sees Lee she starts crying and wants to hold him. I hand him over and she looks so happy holding our son. Our little family is all together now.
I was wrong. This is the best day of my life. Pee and all.
(Did anyone think of saying "how pregnant is she?" If so, well done!)
She is so pregnant that tonight at 7:30PM we will be going into the hospital to start an induction. Not much of a punchline, but true nonetheless. Anyways, to keep everyone as updated as possible, I will be keeping a running diary on here. I'll just keep updating the same entry as time passes and interesting things happen. You can expect the first addendum sometime tonight after we check in. Wish us luck as BABY HOWLAND 2007 sweeps the land!
7:30 PM - We arrive at the hospital armed with just about everything Jenny could need to be comfortable. Socks, games, iPods, all the creature comforts are now in this sterile environment. Jenny's doing well. She's nervous and has had a few moments of emotion but is handling it in stride. I, on the other hand, am a wreck. I've thought of nothing else for the last few days but baby and given myself an upset stomach. I'll be doing most of this blogging from the toilet.
7:50 PM - Guess what doesn't work well. The internet, at the hospital of course! Instead of one update every so often, it's going to be a mass of updates every few hours. Sorry about that.
8:10 PM - The nurse comes in and starts going to work on Jenny, giving her IV's and monitors that show the baby's vitals and hers. All is going well until it's time for the cervix check. This is the part of the story where I get to watch the nurse shove her hand up my wife's crotch. Ugh. I'm not really sure if I should file for divorce or tip them both $20.
8:30 PM - All the consent forms are signed, all the tubes and wires are going where they are supposed to. Time for Jenny and I to get some sleep! I'm aided by a couch that has a fold down cushion that was built for someone approximately half my size and half my weight. Jenny is aided by a blood pressure collar on her arm that goes BZZZZZZZZZ every 30 seconds or so. It's going to be a long night.
9:00 PM - It might be a little bit shorter. Apparently, the good doctor saw that we might be a tad uncomfy and took the liberty of writing Jenny a prescription for a mild sleeping pill. Luckily for me, the dosage was a two piller. I'm not saying the wife gave me a prescription sleeping pill. That's against the law. I will say however, that maybe I'll be able to sleep after all.
11 PM - So Tired. The beds couldn’t be more uncomfortable. The drugs I didn’t get are not helping at all. Jenny is actually sleeping ok, right up until that blood pressure collar activates every 30 seconds, waking her up.
1 AM – Fed up with sleeping like crap, I decide to drive home and get a bunch of comfy pillows. At home, I am greeted by two dogs who are in a bit of a panic. They saw us pack up and usually when we pack up we take them over to our friends house. But they were left at home this time. So when they saw me, they flipped out and wouldn’t leave my side. Because of this, I stayed an extra 20 minutes, lavishing the pups with attention. It might be the last time they get that for a while.
2 AM – Armed with a bunch of comfy pillows and a heap of exhaustion, Jenny and I both get some much needed sleep.
8 AM – The nurse arrives to awaken us with a nice fist in Jenny’s crotch. Jenny informs me that this nurse is nowhere near the gentle lover the last nurse was. Eww. More bad news, the drug that was supposed to soften Jenny’s cervix has done nothing of the sort. No progress. We’ve been in this hospital for over 13 hours now and basically we haven’t even left the starting gate. Jenny’s quite bummed but I just explain to her that if I was baby, I wouldn’t want to leave such a great home either. After all, the food is good, it’s nice and warm and the big hairy guy I hear outside scares me. We were supposed to start the contraction drugs at 9 but now it’s uncertain.
9 AM – Jen’s OBGYN is Dr. Miller and she is awesome. She’s funny, very intelligent, and straight forward, which we both love. Our love grew for her even more today when after 2 nurses told us that because the first drug didn’t work Jen would have to start over, Dr. Miller came in and said start the second drug and if that drug didn’t break Jen’s water, she would break Jen’s water herself. AWESOME! We’re back on track.
12PM - Nothing is happening. Bored Bored Bored. We're watching crap on TV we would never otherwise. I'm going to go home and shower up. Who thought labor could be so mind numbingly dull.
1PM - The nurses are starting to get concerned. They keep shoving their fists in my wife's crotch hoping for progress but none comes. Dr. Miller comes in and says it's time to get this party jumping, shoves her hand WAY up the wife's crotch and breaks her water the old fashion way. Jen seems both relieved and repulsed at the ooze leaking out of her. For some reason, I'm ok with it.
3PM - The contractions are escalating! I'm very excited because I, having read all the latest books on childbirth, know this is a step in the right direction. The wife....not so much. In fact, the wife, who is known for her smile, has stopped smiling altogether. She's now pretty much frowning more and more as the minutes tick by. "Any chance you can find out about that epidural?" I rush into the hall and the nurse says she'll call the anesthesiologist.
(On a side note, I spelled anesthesiologist on the first try. No spellcheck needed. That kid is going to have an awesome dad.)
4 PM - In walks the drug man. (Just cause I CAN spell doesn't mean I want to over and over). He tells Jenny to hunch over and gets one mother of a needle ready. The nurse grabs Jenny by the shoulders and pulls her forward. He misses where he should hit and hits her in the spine. Pulls out the needle and tries again. Misses again. Pulls it out again, tries again, and misses again. He tries to twist it in, nope. Now the wife is sobbing with pain. I'm on the couch watching this, trying my hardest not to walk over and kill this man who has now stabbed my wife in the back three times. He pulls it out once more and tells the nurse to really lean my crying wife over more. The discs are not separating. He shoves the needle in again. NOPE! He missed again. I'm about to start begging him to stop torturing my pregnant wife when on the 5th try, he finally got it in. The relief was pretty quick but I think if my wife had the choice of natural childbirth or 5 needles in the back again, her epidural would never have happened. Anyways, the nurse says this should speed things along. For the first time all night, I feel terrible for what the wife is and is going to go through.
6PM - The epidural, which should speed things along, has not. The wife is stopped dilating and the baby isn't dropping into place. The nurses seem concerned but the wife, full of painkilling happy juice is ok with letting it go a bit longer. She's come this far and really doesn't want a c-section. I haven't slept in a long time and am getting pretty damn tired. I'm starting to root for the slice and dice
8PM - Nothing Nothing Nothing. Seriously, why be in labor if nothing progresses. Give me something, an inch, a drop, something. The wife's labor has totally stagnated. The nurses decide to call the doctor and see what she's recommends. The wife is pleading her case for more time, all she needs is a few more days and she's guaranteed to give birth naturally. The nurses leave to call the doctor.
8:50 PM - We haven't heard from anyone in almost an hour. I decide to check out for the night and go to bed on the crazy uncomfortable couch. I'm exhausted so I settle in for a good night's sleep.
9 PM - I'm awakened to find Dr. Miller in our room explaining to Jenny that it's time for a c-section. It's been too long, no more options. Jenny reluctantly agrees and asks what surgeon will do it. Dr. Miller informs us that she herself will be doing the surgery. Jenny, who completely trusts her doctor, is immediately on board with the c-section! And away we go! The same nurses who have been shoving their hands in my wife's crotch become obsessed with shaving it, actually shaving it as she's being loaded back into bed. Another doctor comes in a gives Jenny a shot which immediately makes her shiver. They give me some large size scrubs and tell me to put them on. Then they give me some new 3XL scrubs that actually fit and tell me to put them on. And we're off to the OR.
9:10 PM - I'm instructed to wait outside the room while they set up. After what seemed like 2 hours but was probably 3 minutes, they allow me in. Dr. Miller is prepping Jen's tummy and I am escorted to her head area where they have draped a large curtain so we can not see the proceedings. This is a good idea as I have no desire to see my wife get cut open. Stuck five times with a gigantic needle, sure, just not cut. The wife is awake but groggy so I tell her how good she's doing and stroke her hair. A few seconds later at....
9:21 PM - I'm a daddy. I hear the baby crying and tell Jenny she's a mommy. I see the baby whisked over to a baby warmer so the nurses can start to clean him up. This was simultaneously one of the most joyous and agonizing moments of my life. On one hand is my wife, the love of life, helpless and crying. On the other is my child, the new love of my life, a few feet away helpless and crying. I couldn't be with both and I had no idea who I should be with. The wife, sensing my painful confusion, told me to go be with my son. So I left my wife to attend to my new son. As I type this, it still makes me feel awful that I left her, but she was right, I had to. There he was, covered in blood and assorted goo. They asked me if I wanted to cut the cord. I know they ask the dads if they want to cut the cord so they feel like they're a part of it. Let's be honest, daddies don't do squat. If labor was an NFL game, mommies would be the quarterbacks and daddies would be the cheerleaders. I was actually going to decline cutting the cord, but the scissors were in my hand before I knew it and next thing I know, I'm cutting his cord. The nurse asked if we he had a name for him. If you read this blog, you know what we were leaning to. I asked Jenny, if was okay to name him. Jenny asked if he looked like the name we choose and I told her yes, so she said to go ahead and name him. We named him Lee Simpliciano Howland. And he's so beautiful.
9:30 PM - The nurses instruct me to come with them into the nursery so Lee can be processed. I kiss the wife goodbye and tell her I'll see her really soon. Lee and I head into the nursery and start the processing. Weight: 6 lbs 11oz. Length: 18in He gets a few shots and some goop in his eyes. I take a quick cell phone picture and send it out to the family. I call the folks and inform them of their upgrade to grandparents which makes them quite ecstatic. I've heard that the birth of your first child will instantly become the greatest day in your life. I wish I could say that's the case. Don't get me wrong. It's a pretty great day. But I've always been under the impression that the best day in your life doesn't include getting peed on. And Lee made sure that was the case about 10 minutes into his new life. Looked right at me and peed on me. I'm fine with it. I'm not even saying it wasn't cute in a weird way. But it makes it impossible for his birth to be the best day of my life. Oh well.
10:30 PM - Lee and I head back to the wife as she has had the full hour to recover. She's still a little loopy but as soon as she sees Lee she starts crying and wants to hold him. I hand him over and she looks so happy holding our son. Our little family is all together now.
I was wrong. This is the best day of my life. Pee and all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
