Friday, September 28, 2007

Pennywise

I've decided to start writing guide books to help people to try to live more awesome lives like I do. I've posted the first book here for you all to enjoy! True, it's brief, but genius often is.

How to spend $40 correctly.

Step 1 - Go to Disneyland with two degenerate gambling friends.

Step 2 - Get in line for the Matterhorn rollercoaster.

Step 3 - Point out that the ride allows two people to sit "lap" style.

Step 4 - Offer said degenerates twenty dollars each to ride "lap" style. The degenerates will agree but want their money upfront so make sure you actually have the forty dollars handy.

Step 5 - Get into the ride first, behind where the degenerates are riding so they think you can't take a picture of them. Allow them to enter the ride after you.

Step 6 - Using your knowledge of the Disney Guest Service code, ask the ride attendant to take a picture for you. Because of said code, she can't refuse.

Step 7 - Loudly start mocking your friends for being "total homos". Others in line and ride attendants will join in the fun.

Step 8 - When someone from the line shouts at your friend who is wearing a Green Bay Packer Jersey "I guess he really is a packer.", relish the moment. The world will never be funnier then it is right now.

Step 9 - While riding, continue to mock your friends. After all, this is a rough rollercoaster and they're having all kinds of "dick on butt" rubbing occurring during the ride. Point this out several times.

Step 10 - While the ride might be over, the enjoyment certainly is not. For the rest of the day, congratulate them on their new found wealth and ask them if "riding homo on the matterhorn" was worth the cash. They will both heartily concur it was not. Happily, you can disagree. Because you have proof.


The one in the jersey is Jeremy Drier. The one who's getting the lap dance is Joseph Parks. I include their names in the off chance that a bored love one will google their names and find their shame.

3 comments:

Michael said...

See, now I don't have to tell the Company Car story to explain you. Now I can just link here.

What really makes that picture Michael, is you, cackling away in the background like the mean-spirited bastard that you are.

Brilliant post. Well done.

Unknown said...

I got mad underpaid......

Anonymous said...

meh, I would have done it for $10.