Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Punishment is Over!

Yeah, I know that I haven't posted in forever.

Possible Reason 1 - No one noticed that the picture of my son on his birth diary was wearing a Trogdor onesie. I bought that especially (F)for that picture. You were all punished by me taking 2 and a half months off from updating.

Possible Reason 2 - Now that I have a 2 month old, uninterrupted sleep, when you can get it, is way more interesting then posting a blog. To me at least.

Truth be told, reason 1 is the (F)excuse I tell myself. Reason (F)2 is the reality.

Anyways, a bunch o' crap has been floating around the old noggin. Instead of one story, I'm gonna give you a bunch of tidbits.

1. Every time you see (F), it means my son has started to fuss and I must take a break from this and attend to him. I just thought I'd give you a small taste of what I'm going through.

2. (F) For those of you who don't know, I'm working at the Rio in Vegas as a Poker dealer. It's a great job and the money is good. But one thing about that place is awesome. No other property I've worked at has had this benefit. If you go down into the underground hallways, past the break room and take a right instead of a left towards the Employee Dining Room, and walk an extra 1/4 of a mile, you come to a men's room. But not just any restroom. It's the poop bathroom.

First of all, it's clean. And it's kept that way by the people who use it. I've been working there for almost 6 months now and in all that time, I've never seen a pee stain on the seat or rim. Second of all, The (F)toilet paper is abundant as is the hand soap. Third and possibly best, the toilets come with one of those sensors that automatically flush. So what, you say? A lot of toilets have that. While that may be true, these are the only ones I've come across that will automatically flush every 2 minutes when the detect someone is there. That's right. Built in auto courtesy flush!

Everyone respects the poop bathroom and speaks of it in hushed tones. I honestly believe that if you desecrate the poop bathroom, you'd be fired.

3. It really doesn't matter how bad my day is going. If I can make my son smile, the day is instantly pretty awesome.

4. I look back a year (F)ago. I honestly thought either the wife or I was sterile. Whoops.

5. As I write this I try to think of things that don't have to do with the kid. Problem is, EVERYTHING in my (F) life has to do with the kid now.

6. So yeah, I ended up going to Boston for two days to see the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. And it was the best concert I've ever been to. So of course, the next concert they decide to play is in Vegas. And yes, I've got tickets to that show too.

7. How the hell do none of my old friends from the east coast not have an xbox 360??? Damn near everyone of my friends out here (F)on the west side has one. Time to get on the trolley. Buy an xbox 360.

8. I got kicked off a golf course the other day because Lee was with me. They said it was a risk for a baby, it could be hit with a golf ball. Couldn't I be hit with a golf ball too? Besides, he's well covered in a stroller while my head is totally exposed. Frankly, I think the guy behind the counter just hates babies. Either that or he hates adults and wants them to die by golf ball.

9. Flansburgh has been my dog for over 11 years. And he wasn't a puppy when I got him. If he was an adult he'd be classified as an old fart. Anyways, he can't go all night without going to the bathroom. But when he gets the call, he can't make it down the stairs and outside in time. So Jenny and I are the proud owners of pee (F)stains...all over our upstairs landing. We've tried pee pads and diapers. The diapers don't fit. (he's long like a wiener dog.) and you can't teach an old dog new tricks...like how to use a pee pad. Poor old dog.

10. I've missed writing. I also have come to the realization that I write better in long stories then short blurbs. Expect one of those sooner then later. Oh yeah, and buy an xbox360.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've missed your writing.

The auto-flush feature doesn't impress me. I like to be in control of my courtesy flushes. Don't you wind up getting unexpected splashback?

ab said...

The Trogdor onesie is certainly adorable, but the MMB one still looks totally badass and cute.

Anonymous said...

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Scott Macmillan said...

Hey Mike - this is Scott Macmillan, from Grace. Bet you didn't expect that. :D

If you want, drop me a line - my full name at google's email service.

Congratulations on Lee!

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